Health+ Wellness

We carry things with us. Memories, defenses, scars that we don’t even remember having. They shape the way we act-just like rocks and fallen trees shape a river’s path.

We say sorry when someone bumps into us. We shrink ourselves in conversations, in rooms, in relationships. We might think we are just being polite but this could be the reminder of a childhood where taking up space felt unsafe. Where mistakes were not tolerated. Where shrinking ourselves was the only way to be safe.

We say YES because it’s easier, because disappointing people brings discomfort. Maybe we have learned that our needs didn’t matter. Our love came with conditions. So now as an adult saying no feels like we’re asking for abandonment.

We pride ourselves on being independent. We are silent in our pain. But underneath might be a belief that no one is coming to save us and even when drowning, we wont ask for a life raft.

Someone offers us constructive and suddenly we feel exposed, ashamed maybe even angry. Maybe we are not dramatic. That’s our mind remembering past criticism that wasn’t constructive that made us feel like a failure or could simply be labeled as bullying.

We work hard, receive awards, graduate with degrees, score that dream job maybe even join the military to prove we are enough but deep down we don’t believe that we are. Deep down we question am I lovable without all these achievements. Because love was conditional growing up we learn to EARN it.

The things we do now are not red flags but signs of what we’ve been through. Survival tactics that once protected us in our childhood.